Day Seventeen

I realized this morning that today would also be a hard day, because it was the birthday of another coworker, and there would be cake.  There would also be staff meeting treats.  I packed some of the sugar-free cherry pie filling to help me cope.  I also included several small items--some lentil soup, a salmon patty, some roasted potatoes, an apple--to help me eat correctly throughout the day.

 Well, things did not turn out exactly as expected.  The birthday girl had called in sick, so there was no cake.  (Maybe tomorrow?  Yikes!)  The person who brought treats brought blueberry muffins, many samosas, three kinds of juice, bananas and cuties, and two kinds of rolls with a seasoned meat.  I did not actually fail this test.  I did not have any of the muffins, juice, rolls, or meat.  I had a banana and a cutie, and, over time, four samosas.  I should have left it at one or maybe two, but I kept going back for more throughout the day.  They were so good!  They did not have sugar in them, but eating four was definitely overeating them.  So I feel bad about that.  

 And some of the old thinking was creeping back.  Why am I even doing this?  I want to have some of the cheesecake downstairs.  I want to have cake when it is presented to me.  Visions of my brother's cake still plague me.  I was up another pound again today, so I was thinking that this isn't working, anyway, so why am I doing it?  

 Blogging helps motivate me.  I don't want to tell all of you that I had sugar.  But no one (so far) is reading this blog!  So, again, what is the point?

 It was not a great day, psychologically.

 I wasn't hungry for my lunch.  I finally had the salmon patty and potatoes at the end of the day, and then didn't eat dinner.

 Also, I wasted time this morning and didn't make it to the gym.  I did abs and danced a few dances to my iPod.  Probably missing my workout helped create the negative thoughts.  These things tend to snowball together.

 I went to bed early, so that I could hopefully get enough sleep to have a great workout tomorrow.  Wish me luck.  Ha! 

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