Day Fifty-Five
Early this morning, when my husband stopped tossing and turning and had finally, mercifully, fallen asleep for about two minutes, and after his alarm tore into that fledgling sleep and we had gotten up to get him to work, I put on my new swimsuit and went to the gym.
A man was swimming in the close lane, and he had an I-was-here-first look about him, so I hopped over the plastic barrier into the second lane. Which was fine for five minutes, until another man showed up to take the third lane. The first lane man did not splash at all, but the other man splashed on me every time he passed me while doing the free stroke. But when he did the breast stroke, he plowed down that lane like a fire hydrant on steroids.
Mercifully, the first man left after about twenty minutes, and I moved over into that spot. Man number two still splashed on me from across the pool, but it was drops falling on me instead of a tsunami wall hitting the side of my head.
All was going well like that for a while. Then Mel walked in. Maybe I was feeling more confident in my new suit, I don't know. But I said to myself that I should be brave enough to speak up for myself. He has been told, more than once, to leave his trunk area alone while he showers, but it doesn't seem to make any difference. I haven't observed him taking them off in the sauna since then, but the shower scene is still the same.
Sure enough, his trunks went down low enough so I could see his Davids, and his hands were poking at and rubbing on his behind. I was still kind of far away in my walking at that point, but when he plunged into the front of his suit, I called out, "Knock it off, Mel."
He turned to me and smiled while I was finishing my brief speech, the rest of which was, "I'm not married to you, and I don't want to see that."
"Hi! How are you doing?" he asked, walking over to talk to me. Ugh. I quietly repeated, "I don't want to see that" as I pressed on past him. He finished up quickly and I tried not to look at him. And he left.
And I thought about it. He usually only spends like two minutes in the Jacuzzi--if that, and a minute-and-a-half in the steam room or sauna. If the main reason he enters the pool area is the shower, well, there are a dozen showers, I assume, in the men's locker room, and those are equipped with soap. I don't see why he cannot have his vigorous shower there. The poolside shower is for rinsing off before getting into the pool. And I have NEVER seen Mel get into the pool.
A few minutes later, another man, a tall, thin man I've never seen before, came in and showered in the poolside shower. He belched loudly as soon as he got there, and he was there a long time, but it didn't bother me. Then I saw him shampooing his hair. Okay, weird. I thought again about the locker room showers, just feet away. I hoped he wouldn't--oh, no! He did it! He plunged his hands into his tiny little swim trunks to soap up that whole area, lifting his leg up as he did it so he could sweep over the whole thing.
I called out, "Are there not showers in the men's locker room?"
He immediately apologized. "Sorry!" That was honestly enough for me. But then he told a lie. "I'm locked out. The gate is locked."
"You're locked out?" I repeated. I looked over my shoulder at the open gate between the pool area and the men's locker room. It is always, always open.
I said nothing further, but he went on. "I'm just trying to get clean," he said twice. I mean, why is that such a big problem that he has to do it there? Is he homeless? I just kept walking back and forth in the pool while he decompensated next to me. "Do you know how to turn this shower off?" he asked.
I wasn't sure I'd heard him right over the noise of all the water. "You can't turn it off?" It has a push knob.
He disgustedly walked off, leaving the shower running, complaining loudly the whole way into the locker room. I didn't hear everything he said, but it included, "Just don't look," and "So rude!" He slammed the gate hard as he went in.
Obviously, he wanted to scare and intimidate me. I wondered if I should get out of the pool, go and get the manager who's helped me before, what? I had a long time left in the workout I'd planned. I kept walking and thought about it. And I prayed that Mike would come back in soon, in case this guy did anything else. I wished I had his name. I decided I should always ask someone's name before I talk to them.
I didn't see the guy leave, but something like a half hour passed. Then I saw Mike coming, so I waved him in. I told him what had happened--all of it, and the guy walked back in while I was saying to Mike, "He left his soap there." I knew they weren't going to fingerprint it or anything, but it seemed to add credence to my story that a bottle of soap was sitting there by the shower.
The man said, "That's not mine. It was just there." Probably another lie, because I've never seen Mel use soap. He added, "She's. . . ." and shook his head to indicate I am not worth listening to.
It worked. Mike asked me if that was the guy, and I said, yes, it could be. He did nothing but tell me that the Board of Health actually recommends that people cleanse with soap in the shower. I am honestly more concerned about his aggressive and hostile reaction, but Mike let that go completely. I'd stopped walking, so I just got out. I did eighty instead of ninety minutes.
Look, I know that I am old and fat enough now to be invisible to men, but, come on--what about decency? I just feel so dismayed at being female in this world. I read all the time lately stories about women enduring lots of selfish and callous male behavior, and not being taken seriously when they do speak up about it. I know it's going to take time to change that, but can't we start?
I mean, what would happen if a woman was soaping herself up in public like that?
So, I called the Board of Health later in the morning, and I read their policy. The bottom line is that they do want people to shower and enter the pool clean, but they assume that will be done in the locker room, not out in public. Sigh.
Someone brought donut holes to work. That was the only temptation. I had leftover salad, leftover Spanish rice, cherries, a peach, and seeds. Dinner was cubed steak, pan-fried onions and potatoes, and cooked carrots.
I am tired, and going to bed early, I hope.
A man was swimming in the close lane, and he had an I-was-here-first look about him, so I hopped over the plastic barrier into the second lane. Which was fine for five minutes, until another man showed up to take the third lane. The first lane man did not splash at all, but the other man splashed on me every time he passed me while doing the free stroke. But when he did the breast stroke, he plowed down that lane like a fire hydrant on steroids.
Mercifully, the first man left after about twenty minutes, and I moved over into that spot. Man number two still splashed on me from across the pool, but it was drops falling on me instead of a tsunami wall hitting the side of my head.
All was going well like that for a while. Then Mel walked in. Maybe I was feeling more confident in my new suit, I don't know. But I said to myself that I should be brave enough to speak up for myself. He has been told, more than once, to leave his trunk area alone while he showers, but it doesn't seem to make any difference. I haven't observed him taking them off in the sauna since then, but the shower scene is still the same.
Sure enough, his trunks went down low enough so I could see his Davids, and his hands were poking at and rubbing on his behind. I was still kind of far away in my walking at that point, but when he plunged into the front of his suit, I called out, "Knock it off, Mel."
He turned to me and smiled while I was finishing my brief speech, the rest of which was, "I'm not married to you, and I don't want to see that."
"Hi! How are you doing?" he asked, walking over to talk to me. Ugh. I quietly repeated, "I don't want to see that" as I pressed on past him. He finished up quickly and I tried not to look at him. And he left.
And I thought about it. He usually only spends like two minutes in the Jacuzzi--if that, and a minute-and-a-half in the steam room or sauna. If the main reason he enters the pool area is the shower, well, there are a dozen showers, I assume, in the men's locker room, and those are equipped with soap. I don't see why he cannot have his vigorous shower there. The poolside shower is for rinsing off before getting into the pool. And I have NEVER seen Mel get into the pool.
A few minutes later, another man, a tall, thin man I've never seen before, came in and showered in the poolside shower. He belched loudly as soon as he got there, and he was there a long time, but it didn't bother me. Then I saw him shampooing his hair. Okay, weird. I thought again about the locker room showers, just feet away. I hoped he wouldn't--oh, no! He did it! He plunged his hands into his tiny little swim trunks to soap up that whole area, lifting his leg up as he did it so he could sweep over the whole thing.
I called out, "Are there not showers in the men's locker room?"
He immediately apologized. "Sorry!" That was honestly enough for me. But then he told a lie. "I'm locked out. The gate is locked."
"You're locked out?" I repeated. I looked over my shoulder at the open gate between the pool area and the men's locker room. It is always, always open.
I said nothing further, but he went on. "I'm just trying to get clean," he said twice. I mean, why is that such a big problem that he has to do it there? Is he homeless? I just kept walking back and forth in the pool while he decompensated next to me. "Do you know how to turn this shower off?" he asked.
I wasn't sure I'd heard him right over the noise of all the water. "You can't turn it off?" It has a push knob.
He disgustedly walked off, leaving the shower running, complaining loudly the whole way into the locker room. I didn't hear everything he said, but it included, "Just don't look," and "So rude!" He slammed the gate hard as he went in.
Obviously, he wanted to scare and intimidate me. I wondered if I should get out of the pool, go and get the manager who's helped me before, what? I had a long time left in the workout I'd planned. I kept walking and thought about it. And I prayed that Mike would come back in soon, in case this guy did anything else. I wished I had his name. I decided I should always ask someone's name before I talk to them.
I didn't see the guy leave, but something like a half hour passed. Then I saw Mike coming, so I waved him in. I told him what had happened--all of it, and the guy walked back in while I was saying to Mike, "He left his soap there." I knew they weren't going to fingerprint it or anything, but it seemed to add credence to my story that a bottle of soap was sitting there by the shower.
The man said, "That's not mine. It was just there." Probably another lie, because I've never seen Mel use soap. He added, "She's. . . ." and shook his head to indicate I am not worth listening to.
It worked. Mike asked me if that was the guy, and I said, yes, it could be. He did nothing but tell me that the Board of Health actually recommends that people cleanse with soap in the shower. I am honestly more concerned about his aggressive and hostile reaction, but Mike let that go completely. I'd stopped walking, so I just got out. I did eighty instead of ninety minutes.
Look, I know that I am old and fat enough now to be invisible to men, but, come on--what about decency? I just feel so dismayed at being female in this world. I read all the time lately stories about women enduring lots of selfish and callous male behavior, and not being taken seriously when they do speak up about it. I know it's going to take time to change that, but can't we start?
I mean, what would happen if a woman was soaping herself up in public like that?
So, I called the Board of Health later in the morning, and I read their policy. The bottom line is that they do want people to shower and enter the pool clean, but they assume that will be done in the locker room, not out in public. Sigh.
Someone brought donut holes to work. That was the only temptation. I had leftover salad, leftover Spanish rice, cherries, a peach, and seeds. Dinner was cubed steak, pan-fried onions and potatoes, and cooked carrots.
I am tired, and going to bed early, I hope.
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