Day Fifty-Seven
I didn't get enough sleep, partly from packing, and partly from my younger children texting me as they arrived at their hotel in California. My ex-husband had politely requested to start his weekend time several hours earlier so that he would not have to drive with the children all night. I granted that, as their safety is prime for me, but then I asked him what his plans were for the end of the trip. I knew, and had expressed, that he could not get them back to me by seven p.m., but what was he planning to do? I got silence for a while, and then, when pressed again, he said he would leave right after the ceremony and get them back around midnight. That seemed like the best he could do, besides flying, which I wished he would do but couldn't make him do, so I was pretty satisfied. I suggested that he could actually make that drive on Saturday, and that his extra time with the children on both ends would be equal to his usual Monday night visit, so maybe it could stand in place of that? But I got no response.
Our alarms were set for three-thirty a.m. Mark had showered the night before, but I had to shower in the morning. He offered to make eggs, but I had boiled a half-dozen to take with us. it seemed too early to eat, even for me. I was prepared with plenty of healthy snacks. Besides the eggs, I had almonds, seeds, cherries, and grape tomatoes. Unbeknownst to me, Mark had been drying peaches, and he was hurriedly peeling thousands of peach slices off his fruit dryer before wrapping up his packing. They looked good, so some of those got packed, too. It was way too early to sneak in a gym run.
And I was definitely sick by then, but had no way to do anything about it. While packing my meds and just-in-case meds, I ran across a bottle I had packed for a previous trip. The five oblong white pills inside it might be antibiotics, I hoped, and took them with me. That was just wishful thinking, though, as they turned out to be Tylenol. I could only hope I wouldn't get too sick. Hope was all I had.
We left the house for the airport shortly after four-thirty. An elderly neighbor, upon finding out we were traveling, had offered to drive us, and had persisted after I had told her the ungodly hour, but sometimes I had wished I had taken her up on it, because the idea of parking in long-term parking and taking a shuttle to the airport felt stressful and time-consuming to me. In fact, every aspect of this hurried trip felt stressful to me, and I saw it as a series of hurdles to knock down. I looked forward to seeing my son and his wife and their children, of course, and to seeing him graduate after putting in so many years of hard work in school, but everything else was an obstacle to be flattened, bam, bam, bam, one after the other, until the end. We'd used the long-term parking for our trip in March, and we had had to walk a long way to the shuttle in a wind so extreme that it had almost blown the contact lenses off of Mark's eyes. But this morning, we had been fortunate enough not to have to walk far. As we waited for the shuttle, we discovered that Mark had forgotten his sun hat; we would have to buy one.
We made it through all the steps in the airport without problem, and the flight we were on was actually half full, which I haven't seen in decades, so being on the B list didn't matter, but, ironically, we couldn't sit together, anyway, as they wanted the weight distributed. We spread out across a row on both sides of the plane.
Next was picking up the rental car. I didn't know where to do that, but we figured it out. After that was driving to my son's from the airport, which I had also never done. It was eight a.m. there, and we were not going to be able to check into the hotel until 3:00.
Thanks to Google Maps, we made our way there. I knew that my first ex, my son's father, was going to be there, and was already there. My son had called me on Thursday to tell me that and ask if I was going to be "comfortable." Of course not, but I could make do, as long as he didn't start anything. (There were only about five days in that marriage that went well.) My son had assured me that his father would behave perfectly--what about me? He didn't phrase it that way, but he was feeling the stress of a potential conflict. When I said I could always leave if I needed to, he asked me to talk to him first to see if he could do something. I appreciated that. He also let me say that, while I no longer feared his father, my fears and feelings had not been unfounded, so we reached a pretty good shelf on which to set our understanding of each other in regards to his dad.
During that conversation, my son also learned that his siblings' father had driven them to see the graduation. He didn't know--my ex had also never talked to him. He stressed about that, because they were having a barbecue in their small apartment, and I assured him I could help with cost or food preparation, and that he has a patio and it would be all right. He was also worried about my ex's behavior, and I reasoned with him that there was a great chance he would be on his best behavior, too.
We knocked and were let in by my son. His dad poked his head out and said hi to me as we entered the living room. I replied in kind. He said nothing else to me during the entire time, so that went as well as it could have.
I very much enjoyed the little girls, and their getting to know their aunt, my older daughter, better. I didn't touch them much, just a hand around the pony tail a time or two. I didn't want to get them sick. Mark had not slept much at all, and had given up at 11:30, so he was not at his best. I called the hotel and got okayed to check in early. We went went there for a nap and missed lunch. So I just had a half sandwich in my daughter-in-law's kitchen when we got back. It started to occur to me that maybe I would even lose weight on this trip, as we were not eating much. We went to campus and walked around, too, so there was some exercise.
That night, I had one grilled hamburger with lettuce, tomato, and mustard for the fixings, and one cob of corn without butter. It tasted very sweet. One benefit of not eating sugar for a long time is that you get so that you can taste the natural sweetness in other foods. Ice cream sandwiches with chocolate chip cookies on the ends were served, and I declined. That was the one moment on this trip that I wished I were not doing this project. I would definitely have had one if I were not. The rest of the family, though texted, did not show up for the barbecue.
We went back to the hotel and went to bed early. We had brought swim suits, but with our needing to get up super early again, and my cold/sinus infection, it did not seem wise.
Our alarms were set for three-thirty a.m. Mark had showered the night before, but I had to shower in the morning. He offered to make eggs, but I had boiled a half-dozen to take with us. it seemed too early to eat, even for me. I was prepared with plenty of healthy snacks. Besides the eggs, I had almonds, seeds, cherries, and grape tomatoes. Unbeknownst to me, Mark had been drying peaches, and he was hurriedly peeling thousands of peach slices off his fruit dryer before wrapping up his packing. They looked good, so some of those got packed, too. It was way too early to sneak in a gym run.
And I was definitely sick by then, but had no way to do anything about it. While packing my meds and just-in-case meds, I ran across a bottle I had packed for a previous trip. The five oblong white pills inside it might be antibiotics, I hoped, and took them with me. That was just wishful thinking, though, as they turned out to be Tylenol. I could only hope I wouldn't get too sick. Hope was all I had.
We left the house for the airport shortly after four-thirty. An elderly neighbor, upon finding out we were traveling, had offered to drive us, and had persisted after I had told her the ungodly hour, but sometimes I had wished I had taken her up on it, because the idea of parking in long-term parking and taking a shuttle to the airport felt stressful and time-consuming to me. In fact, every aspect of this hurried trip felt stressful to me, and I saw it as a series of hurdles to knock down. I looked forward to seeing my son and his wife and their children, of course, and to seeing him graduate after putting in so many years of hard work in school, but everything else was an obstacle to be flattened, bam, bam, bam, one after the other, until the end. We'd used the long-term parking for our trip in March, and we had had to walk a long way to the shuttle in a wind so extreme that it had almost blown the contact lenses off of Mark's eyes. But this morning, we had been fortunate enough not to have to walk far. As we waited for the shuttle, we discovered that Mark had forgotten his sun hat; we would have to buy one.
We made it through all the steps in the airport without problem, and the flight we were on was actually half full, which I haven't seen in decades, so being on the B list didn't matter, but, ironically, we couldn't sit together, anyway, as they wanted the weight distributed. We spread out across a row on both sides of the plane.
Next was picking up the rental car. I didn't know where to do that, but we figured it out. After that was driving to my son's from the airport, which I had also never done. It was eight a.m. there, and we were not going to be able to check into the hotel until 3:00.
Thanks to Google Maps, we made our way there. I knew that my first ex, my son's father, was going to be there, and was already there. My son had called me on Thursday to tell me that and ask if I was going to be "comfortable." Of course not, but I could make do, as long as he didn't start anything. (There were only about five days in that marriage that went well.) My son had assured me that his father would behave perfectly--what about me? He didn't phrase it that way, but he was feeling the stress of a potential conflict. When I said I could always leave if I needed to, he asked me to talk to him first to see if he could do something. I appreciated that. He also let me say that, while I no longer feared his father, my fears and feelings had not been unfounded, so we reached a pretty good shelf on which to set our understanding of each other in regards to his dad.
During that conversation, my son also learned that his siblings' father had driven them to see the graduation. He didn't know--my ex had also never talked to him. He stressed about that, because they were having a barbecue in their small apartment, and I assured him I could help with cost or food preparation, and that he has a patio and it would be all right. He was also worried about my ex's behavior, and I reasoned with him that there was a great chance he would be on his best behavior, too.
We knocked and were let in by my son. His dad poked his head out and said hi to me as we entered the living room. I replied in kind. He said nothing else to me during the entire time, so that went as well as it could have.
I very much enjoyed the little girls, and their getting to know their aunt, my older daughter, better. I didn't touch them much, just a hand around the pony tail a time or two. I didn't want to get them sick. Mark had not slept much at all, and had given up at 11:30, so he was not at his best. I called the hotel and got okayed to check in early. We went went there for a nap and missed lunch. So I just had a half sandwich in my daughter-in-law's kitchen when we got back. It started to occur to me that maybe I would even lose weight on this trip, as we were not eating much. We went to campus and walked around, too, so there was some exercise.
That night, I had one grilled hamburger with lettuce, tomato, and mustard for the fixings, and one cob of corn without butter. It tasted very sweet. One benefit of not eating sugar for a long time is that you get so that you can taste the natural sweetness in other foods. Ice cream sandwiches with chocolate chip cookies on the ends were served, and I declined. That was the one moment on this trip that I wished I were not doing this project. I would definitely have had one if I were not. The rest of the family, though texted, did not show up for the barbecue.
We went back to the hotel and went to bed early. We had brought swim suits, but with our needing to get up super early again, and my cold/sinus infection, it did not seem wise.
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