Day Forty-Eight

I could not finish the workout I'd set out to do this morning.  I was trying to do seventy-four minutes on the elliptical, but I only made it to sixty.  My feet hurt really bad, and I was feeling weak.  I had taken the day off for my daughter's birthday, and I had gotten to the gym late.  Somehow, my body just wasn't having putting out so much when I had not eaten as much as I normally have by that point.

 I had run at the lowest speed, again, for two minutes.  But I had not worked up to it.  I was trying to type in 3.5, but the new treadmill had gone to three miles an hour, then jumped to five, and I'd had to slow it down fast, and it wasn't ready.  So I paused after seventy seconds and walked a bit, then did the last fifty.  So far, so good.  My knees are taking the slow running.  We'll see.

I was pleased with my weight before my shower.

I did, however, come back in the evening to weight-lift, and I got my husband to come with me.  The weight-lifting area I wanted to work in was full, though, so I did the fourteen minutes on the elliptical that I had lacked and he walked a mile on a treadmill while we waited for some people to leave.  I only did two sets, not three, of some things, though, because my left upper arm was hurting me.  I am not sure what a doctor would say about it--whether I have actually done anything to it that is diagnosable.  There was no "event" in which I hurt my arm.  I think it's just that the antibiotics I took have weakened a lot of my tendons and ligaments.  I am not sure what to think, but there are definitely several places in my body where I have such issues now.

We took my daughter to lunch for her birthday, and she chose the Old Spaghetti Factory.  I thought of just getting a salad, but their salads are not amazing.  I did get a lunch-sized portion of spaghetti with mizithra cheese, and I thought I would eat half, but I was so hungry by then that I ate the whole thing.  It was really good.  We had super nachos for dinner--with meat, black beans, tomatoes, olives, and green onions, so that was a fairly large meal, too.  Nothing bad for me, though--a handful of chips, but not terrible chips. And good cheese, not bad cheese.

I did feel bad to pass on the spumoni ice cream.  It looked really good.  

 I was supposed to go to book club tonight.  I had been ambivalent because of my daughter's birthday, and I had not even gotten a copy of the book to read.  But when I found out she had to work, I decided to go.  I had still planned to clean up and go after the second workout, but I saw myself in the mirror while I was weight-lifting, and I still looked so fat in the stomach, I didn't want my friends to see that.  What I'd been wearing today was soft clothes--a cotton/spandex tunic and leggings, and I could see what I would look like wearing those on someone's couch.  I know my friends have seen me before--at an even slightly greater weight, but I just couldn't face it.  I'm admitting this because it's part of the struggle.  I don't usually avoid going to events because of my weight, but, well, I felt like doing that tonight, and I did.  Also, I was really tired, and, also, I didn't want to have to avoid eating something yummy again.  And I hadn't read the book.


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