Day Eighty-NIne

I went to the gym and worked out for over an hour--fifty-two minutes total on the elliptical and the rest on abs and weight-lifting.  

 I am going through the motions, but my heart doesn't really feel in it.  Maybe because the summer top I wore today--which I could and did wear--felt a little tight.  It used to be quite roomy for me.  So I know I still have quite a way to go, but the days are running out.  I mean, do I want to go on another hundred days without sugar?  Give it up forever?  Even though I am still not really losing much weight?  What if starting to have a little sugar--one small thing a day or just on special occasions--puts more weight back on me?  It wouldn't seem worth it.  And yet, I really did think this would help me.

 We had another birthday cake at work today.  i swear half my team was born in June and July.  This cake looked really, really good.  It was hard to pass up.  And, again, if I were losing tons of weight, it would be easier to pass up, but, sometimes, I really wonder why I am doing this for so few results.  I think when I am done, I am going to add up all the things I DIDN'T eat, to see how many calories I avoided, and how much additional weight I might have gained.

 I did do my abs last night, and the night before.  Tonight, though, I didn't get around to it.  

 I cooked again last night because Mark was home, and I made a delicious casserole that we all love.  I had a nice piece of that, and felt like I could eat the whole pan, just to keep tasting it, but I put it away after Mark's second helping.  It might be why my weight hasn't kept going down--I don't know.  I had some for lunch, and Mark wanted to have it again for dinner.  I only had a small piece.  It doesn't really have anything bad in it--meat and vegetables mostly, but it was filling and meat does have calories.

 Anyway, here I am, almost through with this project.  There is a little cookie thing that my supervisor gave me weeks ago that I stuck in a desk drawer at work.  I see it when I am getting a handful of peanuts or making a calorie-free fruit tea, and, sometimes, I feel like just grabbing it and eating it.  It's a little thing--would it really matter?  But if I start eating any sugar before my hundred days are up, what's to stop me from continuing to?  And how will I behave after the hundred days are over?  If I just grab and eat every little thing, I will gain weight again.

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