Day Eighty-Six

I mean, I'm still off sugar, but I am not feeling excited about anything.  I was up for three hours in the night, then slept in.  By the time I woke up, it was time to eat, so I made some eggs for me, and some for Mark.  We had leftovers from last night's dinner for lunch.  I made carrot soup for dinner.  I made more lemon bars.

 Mark says the lemon bars are a little too sour for him.  My oldest son at home says they are "too rich," a phrase I honestly do not understand.  What the heck is too rich?  Is it like having too much money?  I've never tasted anything "too rich" in my life. Anything rich makes me want to eat more.

 Anyway, I think the keto lemon bars taste just as good as any lemon bars.  Honestly, I do.  But I don't want to end up eating the whole pan by myself, either, because I did use real flour.  I don't dare even bring almond flour into this house until my nut-allergy kid has left home.

 I think maybe I'm feeling down because making the lemon bars and making the carrot soup was a lot of work.  I had to do it all by myself this afternoon while Mark slept.  And I had to go and get my son from work in the middle of it.  I couldn't find the juicer I used to have, and I wore myself out trying to squeeze the juice out of eight lemon halves.  I need to buy a new lemon juicer.  Maybe I can look forward to that.

 The lonely hours are pressing in on me.  Mark and I have had fun thinking about what happened each of these July days one year ago.  But the weekend definitely has not turned out to be like I thought it would.

 And I know I am still stressed about the kids being gone.  Until this morning, not a single phone call to them in six days had gone through to them.  I started to wonder if maybe they had been told not to take my calls?  It's all very depressing, and I am not even halfway through this two-week stint.  I had not heard my baby's voice in six days, and he was so sleepy when I called at quarter to eleven that we did not talk long at all.

 Maybe all of this means that I should go to bed and get some more sleep.  I should do my abs, but I don't feel like doing them.  I did one-ninth this morning.  I'll tell you what--I'll give myself permission to go to bed early, but I will do my abs tonight.  Then maybe I won't feel so purposeless.

 This is almost over, and I am still fat.  I caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror at church today, and, yeah.  I'm still too wide through the hips.  I still have a stomach overhang.  Not happy.

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