Day Eighty-Three
I admit I am not in a very good mood today. I talked with my husband about it after work, and that helped.
Mark agreed to go with me to the pool this morning, which I have been looking forward to, but the pool was full when we got there. There was a male swimmer in the close lane, and The Cougher and her boyfriend taking up the other two-thirds of the pool. At first, they were just standing at the ends of their lanes, playing on their iPads, but still taking up most of the pool.
I asked the man in the close lane if I could walk in his lane, and he was nice about it and did not even splash me. Mark started walking in The Cougher's lane, but she continued to swim like a street cleaner, splashing on him and even hitting him one time with her arm. She and her boyfriend don't say people cannot share the pool with them, but they continue to act like they are alone. It seemed to me that, with the pool that full, they should agree to share a lane, but that did not seem to occur to them.
I encouraged Mark to share with me, but he declined. "Why?" He said he wanted to be as annoying to her and she is to me. True chivalry, right there. The swimmer in my lane soon left, though, so Mark did share with me. Even though we were minding our own business in our own lane, it still wasn't terribly pleasant, because The Cougher is not a good swimmer and hurls tsunamis at people's heads. I don't think it has occurred to her that she does that, either. That, or she just doesn't care. Mark was walking next to her with his hands up, shielding his face, poor thing, some of the time. Nothing fazed her. Or her boyfriend.
At seven-twenty, the Chinese woman and her husband came in. I invited her to share our lane and introduced her to Mark. We three behaved very nicely, never splashing on each other. The Cougher's boyfriend started to get out, and I felt the stirrings of hope. Alas, though, she stayed in and kept barrelling her way through the pool. When she wasn't coughing, that is, or playing on her iPad but still taking up a lane. The Chinese woman's husband then slipped down into the end of lane number two, and a miracle happened.
Not the miracle we really needed, but a miracle, nevertheless. I was as surprised when The Cougher moved to the far lane. From then on, everything was pleasanter. We were still occasionally sprinkled, but not pummeled as before.
We only had an hour in the pool. I had woken up feeling like a truck had hit me, and it had taken some time for me to get out of bed.
Here's the other thing I started the day with. I did only have the salad and one breadstick (another miracle) at the Olive Garden last night, but I still felt very full, and even guilty for getting full at a restaurant. "It was just salad!" I kept telling myself. I was still full this morning.
It just wasn't a feel-good, great morning.
It was my summer picnic at work, and I was afraid there might not be anything that I could eat, so I went ahead and ate my eggs before we left. The thing is, I ate them about a half-hour before I needed to, so I felt bad about that. When I got to the park, people were eating Creamies--ice cream popsicles. Of course, I couldn't have any. It was the hottest day of the year so far--ninety-three when I got to the park and ninety-six an hour later. We sat in the pavilion, but it was still uncomfortable. The food was catered, but not food I would choose to eat. There was a salad-type dish, a rice dish, and a spicy chicken dish. I had some, and watched everyone else go for more Creamies. I decided, since I couldn't have ice cream, I would have more rice. When I finished eating it, I felt too full again. And guilty.
And here's the interesting thing I learned about myself today. Being full is a trigger for me to eat more. Stupid, right? I'm already too full--why should I eat? But it's like I feel like I already blew it, or ironically think more food will make me feel better when I already feel bad? I have no idea. I should probably see a shrink for this. Anyway, I asked permission to go back to work after an hour, because everyone else's incessant ice cream eating was getting to me, and so was the heat.
I gradually started to feel a little better in the office as I cooled down, but after my supervisor asked me to be in charge of putting the leftover food away after everyone else had stopped eating, I went and had some MORE rice! Duh!
"It's just rice," I told myself. So, I overate, which did not make me feel better. I did not have any sugar, but some ideas for eating sugar did flash through my mind. I still do not know if I will be able to control myself, sugar-wise, when this project is over.
I came home and whined to my husband and made dinner--a chicken and green chilis dish with a baked yam.
I hope I both do and feel better tomorrow. I know that worry about my children and the stress I feel about their road trip which starts tomorrow is behind my not doing well. Nothing I can do about that except ride out the time. I'm trying to make the most of my "vacation" from them and be productive, but it's not really working. They are the most important thing in my life, and their absence is felt. Also, I know their stress is real, and I feel it, too.
Mark agreed to go with me to the pool this morning, which I have been looking forward to, but the pool was full when we got there. There was a male swimmer in the close lane, and The Cougher and her boyfriend taking up the other two-thirds of the pool. At first, they were just standing at the ends of their lanes, playing on their iPads, but still taking up most of the pool.
I asked the man in the close lane if I could walk in his lane, and he was nice about it and did not even splash me. Mark started walking in The Cougher's lane, but she continued to swim like a street cleaner, splashing on him and even hitting him one time with her arm. She and her boyfriend don't say people cannot share the pool with them, but they continue to act like they are alone. It seemed to me that, with the pool that full, they should agree to share a lane, but that did not seem to occur to them.
I encouraged Mark to share with me, but he declined. "Why?" He said he wanted to be as annoying to her and she is to me. True chivalry, right there. The swimmer in my lane soon left, though, so Mark did share with me. Even though we were minding our own business in our own lane, it still wasn't terribly pleasant, because The Cougher is not a good swimmer and hurls tsunamis at people's heads. I don't think it has occurred to her that she does that, either. That, or she just doesn't care. Mark was walking next to her with his hands up, shielding his face, poor thing, some of the time. Nothing fazed her. Or her boyfriend.
At seven-twenty, the Chinese woman and her husband came in. I invited her to share our lane and introduced her to Mark. We three behaved very nicely, never splashing on each other. The Cougher's boyfriend started to get out, and I felt the stirrings of hope. Alas, though, she stayed in and kept barrelling her way through the pool. When she wasn't coughing, that is, or playing on her iPad but still taking up a lane. The Chinese woman's husband then slipped down into the end of lane number two, and a miracle happened.
Not the miracle we really needed, but a miracle, nevertheless. I was as surprised when The Cougher moved to the far lane. From then on, everything was pleasanter. We were still occasionally sprinkled, but not pummeled as before.
We only had an hour in the pool. I had woken up feeling like a truck had hit me, and it had taken some time for me to get out of bed.
Here's the other thing I started the day with. I did only have the salad and one breadstick (another miracle) at the Olive Garden last night, but I still felt very full, and even guilty for getting full at a restaurant. "It was just salad!" I kept telling myself. I was still full this morning.
It just wasn't a feel-good, great morning.
It was my summer picnic at work, and I was afraid there might not be anything that I could eat, so I went ahead and ate my eggs before we left. The thing is, I ate them about a half-hour before I needed to, so I felt bad about that. When I got to the park, people were eating Creamies--ice cream popsicles. Of course, I couldn't have any. It was the hottest day of the year so far--ninety-three when I got to the park and ninety-six an hour later. We sat in the pavilion, but it was still uncomfortable. The food was catered, but not food I would choose to eat. There was a salad-type dish, a rice dish, and a spicy chicken dish. I had some, and watched everyone else go for more Creamies. I decided, since I couldn't have ice cream, I would have more rice. When I finished eating it, I felt too full again. And guilty.
And here's the interesting thing I learned about myself today. Being full is a trigger for me to eat more. Stupid, right? I'm already too full--why should I eat? But it's like I feel like I already blew it, or ironically think more food will make me feel better when I already feel bad? I have no idea. I should probably see a shrink for this. Anyway, I asked permission to go back to work after an hour, because everyone else's incessant ice cream eating was getting to me, and so was the heat.
I gradually started to feel a little better in the office as I cooled down, but after my supervisor asked me to be in charge of putting the leftover food away after everyone else had stopped eating, I went and had some MORE rice! Duh!
"It's just rice," I told myself. So, I overate, which did not make me feel better. I did not have any sugar, but some ideas for eating sugar did flash through my mind. I still do not know if I will be able to control myself, sugar-wise, when this project is over.
I came home and whined to my husband and made dinner--a chicken and green chilis dish with a baked yam.
I hope I both do and feel better tomorrow. I know that worry about my children and the stress I feel about their road trip which starts tomorrow is behind my not doing well. Nothing I can do about that except ride out the time. I'm trying to make the most of my "vacation" from them and be productive, but it's not really working. They are the most important thing in my life, and their absence is felt. Also, I know their stress is real, and I feel it, too.
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