Day Seventy-Five
I completely forgot to mention yesterday that there were also chocolate chip cookies presented as part of the staff meeting treats. You know the huge, store-bought kind? I didn't even give them a second look. That's good, but so unlike me. Sometimes I wonder how I will be when the one hundred days are over. Will I still be able to pass up most sweets? Will I be out of control, constantly battling myself, like I used to be?
Today, we had a birthday cake at work. It was a white cake decorated with gorgeously patterned whipped cream with strawberries in sauce on top. There was no question, of course, that I would not have any. I joined the rest of my team to congratulate the birthday person, but then I excused myself. One of my team members, also a woman of a certain age, looked at that cake and said, "Oh, I cannot pass that up," even though her doctor has taken her completely off milk products for health reasons. She had been calling in sick once or twice a week. "But I will risk it," she said.
I don't want to be like that--out of control over what I eat--anymore. I also cannot imagine never eating sugar again. I've been pretty strong doing it, and I really do want to lose weight, but I feel like my strength comes from this project, and part of that is because it is for a finite time limit. Like, when I fast for religious reasons, with every hunger pain, I know I only have to wait until a certain time, or dinner time, and then I can eat. I do not have to tell myself that I will never eat again.
I was informed, today, that my children will not be with me much for almost three weeks, starting tonight. I had planned to make one of their favorite dinners--a pasta salad with little pepperonis and other pizza-like ingredients. I used a whole wheat pasta, vegetables, and a light Italian dressing. I hurried home from work and made it, anyway, so that it will not be completely wasted on my husband and me. I also asked for Monday--the one day I will get to have them with me, off work, so I can be with them. Often, when the children are not home, I do not cook. I do not plan a menu, but just fry a zucchini or potato, or have some soup or a salmon patty. But I cannot carry on with that for weeks. I will be cooking.
I did not make it to the gym this morning because I became ill last night at bedtime. I don't know whether it was from the chicken or possibly my antibiotic, although it had been a day and a half since I had had my last pill. Fortunately, I was not in pain, and it seemed to have passed by the time I was at work. But I was quite disappointed to miss another workout this week. I just did the abs that I had not dared to do last night.
I do not sleep as well when I have not exercised. My body is just not as tired. When I have had a good workout and worked hard all day, it is much easier to fall asleep. I know I have to get up early tomorrow, and I am again unsure whether I will be able to fit a workout in, so that is bothering me tonight. Perhaps I should just go to the gym now, while I am awake, but just the thought of that makes me weary. Also, I would have to drive while on a sleeping pill, and that does not seem wise. I hope I can sleep soon so I can wake up and get some sort of exercise in time to get ready for the day's events.
Wish me luck.
Today, we had a birthday cake at work. It was a white cake decorated with gorgeously patterned whipped cream with strawberries in sauce on top. There was no question, of course, that I would not have any. I joined the rest of my team to congratulate the birthday person, but then I excused myself. One of my team members, also a woman of a certain age, looked at that cake and said, "Oh, I cannot pass that up," even though her doctor has taken her completely off milk products for health reasons. She had been calling in sick once or twice a week. "But I will risk it," she said.
I don't want to be like that--out of control over what I eat--anymore. I also cannot imagine never eating sugar again. I've been pretty strong doing it, and I really do want to lose weight, but I feel like my strength comes from this project, and part of that is because it is for a finite time limit. Like, when I fast for religious reasons, with every hunger pain, I know I only have to wait until a certain time, or dinner time, and then I can eat. I do not have to tell myself that I will never eat again.
I was informed, today, that my children will not be with me much for almost three weeks, starting tonight. I had planned to make one of their favorite dinners--a pasta salad with little pepperonis and other pizza-like ingredients. I used a whole wheat pasta, vegetables, and a light Italian dressing. I hurried home from work and made it, anyway, so that it will not be completely wasted on my husband and me. I also asked for Monday--the one day I will get to have them with me, off work, so I can be with them. Often, when the children are not home, I do not cook. I do not plan a menu, but just fry a zucchini or potato, or have some soup or a salmon patty. But I cannot carry on with that for weeks. I will be cooking.
I did not make it to the gym this morning because I became ill last night at bedtime. I don't know whether it was from the chicken or possibly my antibiotic, although it had been a day and a half since I had had my last pill. Fortunately, I was not in pain, and it seemed to have passed by the time I was at work. But I was quite disappointed to miss another workout this week. I just did the abs that I had not dared to do last night.
I do not sleep as well when I have not exercised. My body is just not as tired. When I have had a good workout and worked hard all day, it is much easier to fall asleep. I know I have to get up early tomorrow, and I am again unsure whether I will be able to fit a workout in, so that is bothering me tonight. Perhaps I should just go to the gym now, while I am awake, but just the thought of that makes me weary. Also, I would have to drive while on a sleeping pill, and that does not seem wise. I hope I can sleep soon so I can wake up and get some sort of exercise in time to get ready for the day's events.
Wish me luck.
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